"How many a them hormones you takin', Honey?"

I don't know if there are any "Fried Green Tomatoes" fans out there, but if you are, you may recall the time Evelyn repeatedly crashes her car into the "younger and faster" teenager's car when they took the parking space she was waiting on. Up to this point, all we've seen is Evelyn put up with a selfish (and sometimes cruel) society by simply being silent and going on. She did try once before the car-thing, only to have her groceries fall out the bottom of the sack. It's been a while since I've seen this movie, but if I recall it correctly, it was after that experience that she goes - crying all the way - to see Ninny who tells her she's going through "the change" and to get herself "some hormones" and she'll feel better.

So Evelyn gets the hormones, apparently, and starts feeling a little better... and then the teens come along and steal her parking space. As she explains to them that she was waiting for the space before they ever even came along, they snobbishly say, "Well face it lady... we're younger and faster." As they walk away, you can see it all over Evelyn's face: she'd had enough! "Tawanda," she mutters as she floors it and rams her car right into the poor, defenseless VW Bug... and then backs up and does it again... and again. When the teens come screaming back and ask her what is wrong with her, she calmly says, "Face it girls... I'm older and I have more insurance." Still high on a power trip, she then goes and relays the whole story to Ninny. Ninny can't seem to get her calmed down and finally asks, as the scene closes, "How many a them hormones you takin', Honey?"

Well... I'm not taking any hormones, but they are definitely multiplied right now! I have known many pregnant women throughout my life. A few of them are really good at it, never seem bothered by much of anything, don't burst into tears at the drop of a hat, might get overwhelmed looking at times, but that's about it. I've decided I'm not one of them; I'm NOT good at it.

When I first found out I was pregnant, people kept making me feel like they were watching me like a hawk... "If I say/do this, is she gonna cry?" After I kept telling them, I wasn't going to, and them saying, "Oh, you will... your hormones are going crazy right now," I finally just stopped worrying about what they thought I may/may not do and just continued as before. I do know myself well enough to know that it takes a lot to make me cry... unless it's been a while since I've had a laughing or crying fit... then I do both for a good 15-20 minutes... and I'm good for about a year. =)

I've cried a couple times since I found out I was pregnant, one was during "Little Women" on a night I just wanted to quit and go home. I don't remember the other time, but I'm sure there was one so I added it in for good measure.

Unfortunately, what I've come to realize over the last week... I don't get sad and weepy... I get angry. I'm offended much more easily than I ever was before, and I hate that! It makes me feel like I've got all of this stuff - petty, stupid stuff that I blow way out of proportion - against other people. Stuff I can normally let go, but just can't seem to right now. I was telling John last night that it really bothers me because I feel like I get mad at people - friends or strangers - at the drop of a hat. Poor guy... this put him on his guard and he was worried about saying pretty much anything to me the rest of the night.

I know my anger probably stems from other things I haven't fully dealt with yet (and that have been pushed to a back burner), but I am trying to deal with it. That anger is intertwined with hurt and grief... and those things only God can truly heal, one step at a time. So as I take those steps with Him, how can I avoid these hormones getting so out of whack that I just want to beat on something (which would need to be fixed), break something (which I'd have to clean up immediately following), or tell someone off (which never solves anything because you say a mixture of things you do mean and don't mean and find it hard to figure out the difference)?

As I struggle with this anger, I also find I'm more insecure, feeling like I'm offending people just as easily as I'm being offended. This makes for an extra-crazy feeling all around. I've heard that children will make you crazy... I just thought that it would be AFTER they were out of the womb! (I know, I know... Little Sully is not the ultimate reason for my current insanity... it's the hormones that accompany him/her.)

I'm not writing all of this to ward off having anyone around me anymore!!! Please don't think that... I just don't like feeling this way (constantly mad at the world and paranoid). That and I wanted to give you all fair warning! Haha!

Thank you all so much for so many of your kind, thoughtful words and well-wishes. John and I are so excited and, even though I'm currently even more insane than I used to be, we love having each and everyone of you share in our joy. Thank you, thank you, thank you for loving on us the way that you do. We are truly blessed beyond measure by having friends like you.

Much Love!

Gwen