Since I am someone who desired to have children for a long time (okay... what seemed like forever) before I had them, God had lots of teaching time with me to prepare my heart for motherhood. Through years of babysitting, I was fairly prepared for the basics: feeding, changing, playing, keeping an eye on them (even though accidents WILL still happen), etc. Then I had some years of watching my friends with their children. After I managed to shrug some jealousy to the side, I was able to watch and learn even more. One thing I learned is that you don't always have to use the ultimate "mommy" tone just to get kids to listen. (I had acquired this tone while babysitting 3 boys one time and had used it ever since.) While it IS necessary at times, a softer tone will sometimes suffice.
Another thing I learned is how much harder parenthood was going to be from what my younger ideals had imagined. This difficulty actually swayed my emotions to "being okay" with waiting on God for a time. So many moms were all around me, desperately seeking any kind of conversation that had real consistency to it... not "No, you don't need that," "Pat-a-Cake, Pat-a-Cake..." "It IS a red choo-choo. Very good!" While my personality is not one to crave much conversation, I knew this wouldn't be AS big of a deal for me, but it could still pose issues, especially when it came to just flat out having time to myself.
So for many years, though I still wanted children, I was content to wait and see when God would decide to bring them along. A year or two after John and I moved back from Chickasha, I was introduced to a pastor named Mark Driscoll... not literally in person, but just his sermons. After listening to a few sermons, I was hooked and I looked up all sorts of topics. One that I came across was a series he did in Proverbs not long after his church, Mars Hill in Seattle, originated. The series dealt with Marriage: Men and their roles, Women and their roles, and finally Raising Children. It was through this series that my full desire to become a parent was strongly rekindled. When John and I first got married, I think I wanted children more because: 1) It was the next logical step. 2) Babies had adorable little outfits and shoes and blankets... everything was so cute and enticing about a Baby section (which is NOT a good reason to want to be a parent). After hearing that series, however, I knew that even though it would be a difficult and massive responsibility, I just couldn't fight the desire back anymore. So I began praying more and more for children... and that I would desire them for the right reasons and not the wrong ones.
A little over a month before Abigail was conceived, I was reading Mary Beth Chapman's book, Choosing to See. I wish I could convey, or even remember, everything I learned from her testimony... but I can't seem to recall it all. What I DO remember is this: Children are a gift, given to us for a time. They are not ours, they belong to God. We are stewards, in a sense, taking care of these precious little ones as God would have us to. Whether bestowed upon us by "natural" means biologically or by way of adoption, it is God Who has brought them into our lives for however long we/they live... though every parent hopes for the "we" to be called home long before their children.
Now, as John and I prepare for Baby #2, I'm all the more thankful for the time God took in having us wait. For one, I can fully appreciate the time John and I had together before children. We could travel anywhere at a moment's notice, if desired/needed. We could just go and do without having to worry about nap-times and feedings or getting children to bed by a certain time - we used to have some pretty late nights away from home! This gives me something to look forward to when all of our children are grown and it's just us again... though I fully intend to love and appreciate every moment we have with them at home! =)
But even more than that, I'm so very thankful for the Daddy John is. Abigail loves him and gets excited just seeing him. He isn't the type of dad who comes home from work and disappears into an abyss of projects/games/or tv and we 'might' see him again before bedtime. He usually doesn't even take the time to change his clothes... he's just down in the floor playing and trying to get Abigail to laugh. It is priceless. He's not afraid to be silly with her. He's not afraid of dirty (and I mean nasty) diapers or of giving her a bath. In the middle of the night, if she's up, he most likely will be too at some point - just to see if I need help or need him to take care of things. If she throws up in the night, I can count on him to help me with cleaning up - we might even get her bathed and ready to go back down then have to do most of it over again! He reads her stories, rocks her, and prays over her before we go "night-night".
There aren't many Daddy's out there like John. There aren't many husbands like him either. Many times, in my selfishness or hormonal impulses of pregnancy, I forget to be thankful for all that he does for us. He's not just a provider. He's not a man who's been "whipped" into doing whatever I ask of him. He's a strong man with a servant's heart who's willing to do whatever, whenever for his family. He puts us above himself on a daily basis.
Thank you, Father, for blessing me with such a man as my husband. Thank you for blessing Abigail and our son with such a Daddy. May each of us be able to show him the same kind of love in return.
