The End...

One thing I have discovered over my short life thus far is that sometimes people are wrong. I can be wrong, you can be wrong, he can be wrong, she can be wrong. Christians can be wrong, atheists are wrong (but don't tell them that or you'll never hear the end of it)... people of all cultures, backgrounds, and races each have the ability (and tendency) to be wrong. What is most frustrating about being wrong, is having to admit this to other people. Some people won't do it for anything... when they think they're right, they're right. Some shrink away till they become more of a doormat.... always declaring that they were wrong and the other person is right. Very few seem to have the ability to do both: admit when they're wrong and stand firm when they're right. But how does one really know when it's the right time to do either? Even your decisions in that can be wrong!

Take for example, our recent "End of the World" prediction. Even though the rapture didn't happen as predicted, I'm not going to say the guy is completely and utterly mistaken. One of his statements was "It's the beginning of the end"... which to me, is different from just "the end".

As a believer, I have looked forward to Jesus's return since I first learned about it (although I did occasionally ask Him to hold off until ____ or _____ happened). When I first started reading Revelation and Daniel, I got so interested in studying it because I wanted to know "When"... when is it going to happen? Growing up, I remember Dad always saying that it would happen before we graduated high school. Obviously... it didn't. We've seen people predict it (to the day) over and over and then... nothing happens.

Unfortunately, what I've come to realize is that these predictions (with nothing happening) only make the world as a whole less and less likely to believe it will ever happen. Why do you think the Bible says there will be "scoffers"? People might've been inclined to believe Noah when he first began building his boat (even though they'd probably never seen such a thing as rain) because it was a new idea and he was passionate about it. But after a few hundred years of building it... people were fed up with even the mention of it!

Today, Christians are a group of people who have waited for Christ's return for about 2,000 years. The first and early churches believed they'd get to experience it, just as we feel like we will experience it now. What I find so incredibly sad is that instead of focusing energy and resources on really reaching out to others and showing them love and other 'fruits' daily (which can lead them to Jesus), many Christians focus all of their attention on the "urgency" to become a Christian. "You're almost out of time. The world's gonna end; better accept Jesus NOW!!!" This goes hand in hand with the question: "Do you know where you will go if you die tomorrow? Hell is full of fire and darkness and despair... Jesus is the only one that can save you from that so choose Him NOW!"

I'm not saying these things don't have any truth to them, by no means! There should be an urgency because this life is all you've got to decide! But when you only view Jesus as a "way to get to heaven" or "Fire Insurance", there's no real relationship there. You never get to experience His awesome presence in your life. Others never get to see His love through you. The very thought or image people have of Him gets completely obscured.

Many have come and many will come professing a day when "The End" is here... I'm not going to tell you not to listen to them. Even if nothing happens, it's a good time to evaluate where you are, spiritually, in your life. But I'm not going to necessarily urge you to listen to them either... mainly because of that verse that says "The day and the hour are unknown". But I do believe, just as others hundreds of years before me have believed, that He will come soon. But God's version of 'soon' and our version of 'soon' are two very different things. As Aslan says in "The Chronicles of Narnia": "I call all time soon". So whether the predictors turn out to be right or wrong... it doesn't matter. Knowing you have peace about whenever it DOES finally happen (tomorrow or years and years from now), is more important.

"How many a them hormones you takin', Honey?"

I don't know if there are any "Fried Green Tomatoes" fans out there, but if you are, you may recall the time Evelyn repeatedly crashes her car into the "younger and faster" teenager's car when they took the parking space she was waiting on. Up to this point, all we've seen is Evelyn put up with a selfish (and sometimes cruel) society by simply being silent and going on. She did try once before the car-thing, only to have her groceries fall out the bottom of the sack. It's been a while since I've seen this movie, but if I recall it correctly, it was after that experience that she goes - crying all the way - to see Ninny who tells her she's going through "the change" and to get herself "some hormones" and she'll feel better.

So Evelyn gets the hormones, apparently, and starts feeling a little better... and then the teens come along and steal her parking space. As she explains to them that she was waiting for the space before they ever even came along, they snobbishly say, "Well face it lady... we're younger and faster." As they walk away, you can see it all over Evelyn's face: she'd had enough! "Tawanda," she mutters as she floors it and rams her car right into the poor, defenseless VW Bug... and then backs up and does it again... and again. When the teens come screaming back and ask her what is wrong with her, she calmly says, "Face it girls... I'm older and I have more insurance." Still high on a power trip, she then goes and relays the whole story to Ninny. Ninny can't seem to get her calmed down and finally asks, as the scene closes, "How many a them hormones you takin', Honey?"

Well... I'm not taking any hormones, but they are definitely multiplied right now! I have known many pregnant women throughout my life. A few of them are really good at it, never seem bothered by much of anything, don't burst into tears at the drop of a hat, might get overwhelmed looking at times, but that's about it. I've decided I'm not one of them; I'm NOT good at it.

When I first found out I was pregnant, people kept making me feel like they were watching me like a hawk... "If I say/do this, is she gonna cry?" After I kept telling them, I wasn't going to, and them saying, "Oh, you will... your hormones are going crazy right now," I finally just stopped worrying about what they thought I may/may not do and just continued as before. I do know myself well enough to know that it takes a lot to make me cry... unless it's been a while since I've had a laughing or crying fit... then I do both for a good 15-20 minutes... and I'm good for about a year. =)

I've cried a couple times since I found out I was pregnant, one was during "Little Women" on a night I just wanted to quit and go home. I don't remember the other time, but I'm sure there was one so I added it in for good measure.

Unfortunately, what I've come to realize over the last week... I don't get sad and weepy... I get angry. I'm offended much more easily than I ever was before, and I hate that! It makes me feel like I've got all of this stuff - petty, stupid stuff that I blow way out of proportion - against other people. Stuff I can normally let go, but just can't seem to right now. I was telling John last night that it really bothers me because I feel like I get mad at people - friends or strangers - at the drop of a hat. Poor guy... this put him on his guard and he was worried about saying pretty much anything to me the rest of the night.

I know my anger probably stems from other things I haven't fully dealt with yet (and that have been pushed to a back burner), but I am trying to deal with it. That anger is intertwined with hurt and grief... and those things only God can truly heal, one step at a time. So as I take those steps with Him, how can I avoid these hormones getting so out of whack that I just want to beat on something (which would need to be fixed), break something (which I'd have to clean up immediately following), or tell someone off (which never solves anything because you say a mixture of things you do mean and don't mean and find it hard to figure out the difference)?

As I struggle with this anger, I also find I'm more insecure, feeling like I'm offending people just as easily as I'm being offended. This makes for an extra-crazy feeling all around. I've heard that children will make you crazy... I just thought that it would be AFTER they were out of the womb! (I know, I know... Little Sully is not the ultimate reason for my current insanity... it's the hormones that accompany him/her.)

I'm not writing all of this to ward off having anyone around me anymore!!! Please don't think that... I just don't like feeling this way (constantly mad at the world and paranoid). That and I wanted to give you all fair warning! Haha!

Thank you all so much for so many of your kind, thoughtful words and well-wishes. John and I are so excited and, even though I'm currently even more insane than I used to be, we love having each and everyone of you share in our joy. Thank you, thank you, thank you for loving on us the way that you do. We are truly blessed beyond measure by having friends like you.

Much Love!

Gwen