Abigail's Arrival & 10 Days in the NICU... (Part 2)

As soon as we held little Abigail in our arms, we were so excited to share the news with everyone. Everything was fine and she was rushed out of the room to be cleaned up... leaving us time to make phone calls and text everyone our news. (We hadn't told anyone when we went to the hospital so no one knew for sure that she was on her way yet... many had suspicions though.) The plan was for us to make our calls, etc. while feeling returned to my legs, for me to eat something to gain some strength back, take a shower, and meet up in our new room (where Abigail should arrive shortly thereafter).

It took some time for the feeling to fully come back to my legs and feet and get even a little something eaten. In fact, friends and family began arriving before I made it out of the delivery bed. My mom came to say hi to us first but immediately headed to the nursery viewing window so she could see our little girl. Not too much later, she came back, saying that Abigail wasn't in there and was in the NICU. Only 2 people could be back there to see her at a time and John or I had to be one of them. John and I just looked at each other, wondering what was up, so he went to investigate... my mother tagging along with him.

As soon as they left, I worked on finishing some food and getting my shower over with. By the time I finished that and made it to our new room (and had a little more food to get rid of some nausea), John came in to spill the news. I can tell you with a little more clarity now than I could process it then. I was so cloudy as John explained that our baby's blood sugar had plummeted from 46 to 16 - normal is 45-110, causing her to be put on a D-10 (sugar) drip for the next few days... and that the NICU doctor had started her on antibiotics as a precautionary measure (until my placenta could be analyzed for infection). This meant we would be there for at least 3 days, possibly 10 if tests didn't go well.

I could see the worry on all of the faces around me. I knew I should be worried too... after all, I'm her mother. Either I was so cloudy that nothing was fully registering or peace was just ruling over me at that point (or both). I wasn't as worried as everyone around me though - which I felt guilty for. Like I told my mom: "Every time I've dreamed of her, she was early... but everything was okay. I've seen her older than this. I have to believe that everything will be alright."

Abigail's Arrival & 10 Days in the NICU... (Pt. 1)

For those who are curious, here is a summary (though I won't say it'll be brief) of what Abigail's arrival into our lives consisted of. This shouldn't be too graphic or anything... not planning on sharing all details by any means, but at least this way I'll remember some of the precious times in those first days after her birth.

At 36 weeks, my doctor informed me I was dilated at a 1-1 1/2 and 70% "thinned out". She said that she wouldn't necessarily expect me to go into labor that week, but the following week wouldn't be far-fetched. John and I got pretty excited about it... and he began to watch me like a hawk even more than he had been before. We had plans to go to Sallisaw to spend some time with his family that weekend so all we could do was hope that she'd hold off till after that.

Thankfully, she did. We did go in to hospital at 1:30 am that Friday night / Saturday morning because I woke up and could still swear to this day that my water broke... but we were told that it hadn't and "what it will really be like when it does". Still a little hormonal about that. I told John on the drive back to Sallisaw that if that wasn't my water breaking, how in the world would I know when it really was?! The entire rest of the weekend, I chalked up what was happening to my body as my little girl just pushing on my bladder too much.

My next doctor's appointment (at 37 weeks) revealed I was dilated at a 2 and 80% effaced. I'd already been having sporadic contractions for weeks and as low as little Abigail was sitting, the doctor said she'd bet money that this baby girl would arrive before I made it back for my 38 week appointment. She had me make one... just in case... but figured she'd see me before that.

Pretty much as soon as that appointment was over, I began having fairly consistent contractions... the strong ones! I'd been told by everyone (my doctor and the nurses in labor/delivery) not to come in until they were 5 minutes apart for one hour, so John and I began timing them. Over the following 2 days, they stayed strong and consistently inconsistent (ranging from 8-45 minutes apart). They were so strong through the night on Monday night, that I took a Tylenol PM before I went to bed on Tuesday just so I could get some sleep. Still had some contractions that night, but they weren't as bad. In fact, Wednesday morning, I thought they were gone completely! Then they came back and resumed their inconsistent ways.

Finally, Wednesday night, John and I went and rented a movie, picked up some food, and came home to settle in for the night. We made it about halfway through the movie when I became incredibly anxious. I'd started bleeding and, though it wasn't as bad as when I thought we were losing her at the beginning of my pregnancy, it was still enough to worry me. John called the hospital and they told us to come in. No sooner did we get into the car than my contractions became 5 minutes apart... and stayed that way all the way to the hospital!

On this trip to the hospital, I was dilated to almost a 4 when I got there... so they kept me. Oh. And they also asked me if I knew when my water broke because they couldn't feel it. I told them about my weekend visit and the nurses on shift didn't seem too happy about it. (I sure wasn't.) Now that there was no telling when it happened for sure, there was a high risk that our little girl could have an infection... so they started me on antibiotics.

The only thing I will really post about actual labor is this: Epidural's are wonderful!!!!!! After enduring strong contractions for 2 days and then my body going into shake-down mode (which makes them worse), those drugs became my best friend. =) I still respect those who go through labor without it... but... wow! That would definitely not be for me! (Or John, poor guy.)

Nursery Pics...

So... it's been quite a while since my last blog! Wow, how time flies!

I've promised people over and over I would post some pics of the nursery before our little girl is born... but after I had it all set up. Well... it's still lacking in some of the set-up department. There are still some pictures to order, some quotes to frame, a lamp-post to buy and get plugged in, but I'm guessing all of that will be done after she's born anyway. So... here's a glimpse of what our baby girl will be coming home to. Hope you enjoy it!

Narnia, Purple, & Butterflies...

Well... it's been quite a while since I last blogged. For some reason, I haven't felt like writing much, here or even in my journal. Usually I begin to just feel this need to write, to get my thoughts, feelings down on something. Sometimes I share it, sometimes I don't. I don't feel particularly inspired today either, but I thought I'd still try to share some of what's been going on over the past couple of months.

First off, we found out at the beginning of July that our expected "bundle of joy" is going to be a GIRL. From everything I'd been craving (and all of the online old wives-tales tests I'd been taking), we were both kinda surprised, but excited nonetheless.

The week following finding out, I just couldn't help but go and start getting things for the nursery. I'd already had a few people ask me if I'd registered yet, so I got started on that as well. ---- By the way, I love registering online!!! So much easier than going through the stores, circling round and around to make sure you didn't miss anything! ---- First off, I started clearing out/cleaning up the room we'd planned on using for the nursery. We'd already decided to sell the guest-bed, so I got it stripped down and ready to take apart. Then I moved on to the curtains I'd bought for $1 at a yard sale that needed to be shortened. Got those done and hung up and John got home. As we sat on the soon-to-be-apart bed, we both got frustrated with the decor already in the room. It restricted us on what colors we could do for the nursery. I'd already made plans to work around it, but as we sat there, we ended up deciding to change rooms... making that room the office and the current office the nursery.

We knew it'd be a lot of work, but thought it would look better overall in the long-run. The previous plan had a color scheme of dark blue, crimson red, gold, and white. I could've made it work... but now we could do whatever we wanted (the other room has NO colors on the walls). After all, as John expressed when we discussed the nursery: "When I think of baby girls, I think of purple and pink and white and butterflies..." The only thing that hasn't changed, is the over-all theme. John, knowing how much I loved the theme, was concerned we wouldn't be able to keep it at first (not sure if I could make it girly enough)... but after we got everything re-arranged and I could start on it, I think he realized I have NO PROBLEM making ANYTHING girly enough. Hahaha!

The theme, you may ask? NARNIA! I've always loved those stories, ever since I was little... but even moreso now. There's so much depth... so much to learn from... kids and adults alike. My current plan is to have at least one thing from each book be represented in the room. Sometimes in photos, sometimes in quotes, sometimes in stuffed animals or anything else I can thing of. But I'm having so much fun with it and can't wait to blog about it (with pictures) one of these days. I've used purple and white and some black and gold... making it have a royal look without it all being "princess" stuff.

As I said, I'll blog about it more whenever I finally get more of the room complete. But for now, just thought I'd share a little of what's happening. We have curtains, we have a crib, we have the bumper and bed-skirt, a bookshelf (already displaying some Narnia things)... but also one very large, massive shelf-thing that needs to be taken OUT of the room! We're slowly, but surely, getting it cleared off... so I'm hoping it'll be out soon.

As for what many people constantly ask about: Her Name... Well, John and I take naming her very seriously. As of right now, we do have a favorite (we've had it for at least 4 years), but we'll most likely wait to meet her before making the final decision. The way our personalities are, we'd probably feel like we'd let people down if we told them all a name and then changed our minds when she was born. Haha! We're weird like that, what can I say?!

Letting Fear Define You...

So this is some kind of record for posting (2 days in a row!), but I can't help it when inspiration hits... not to mention I've been sick and home quite a bit lately so what else am I gonna do?

I don't watch much afternoon television. We don't get many channels and most of the time, those few channels aren't showing what I consider to be entertainment. Today, however, I was just letting it run... and Dr. Phil came on. The preview caught my attention, so I watched a bit of it (it was a re-run).

The first bit was about a woman who lives in constant fear when at home that someone will break into her house and harm her. It wasn't quite so bad until her husband got a job that required him to be gone for a few weeks at a time. Since that time, as he stated on the show, he's spent over $16,000 on all kinds of things in hopes of making her "feel safe". The worst is when she showers. Let me set this up for you... every time she showers she:

*Locks and puts door jams on her bedroom door and bathroom door

*She has 2 Dobermans sitting outside her bathroom door

*She sets an alarm inside of her bathroom

*She pulls out a .38 handgun as well as a stun-gun and places them on the toilet along with a remote panic button (to call the police), a flashlight, and her cell phone

*Only uses a clear shower curtain so she can see the door at all times in case someone starts coming through

I might've forgotten something, but you get the idea. This poor woman couldn't even explain why she was so afraid, except for several scary movies she watched as a child (and no, she never watched "Psycho"). When she was 11 she thought she heard someone breaking into her house, but nothing ever happened. Ever since then, she's been absolutely petrified of being at home alone.

I do not ever want to make light of peoples' fears. Fear is a very real and serious thing... sometimes, even a healthy thing. What I hate to see is when people let fear control their lives (or the lives of the ones around them). We all do it in one way or another.

Ever since I was little (and, unfortunately, even today) I've had to talk myself into "taking care" of this thing or that thing that I was afraid of. I remember telling myself how "silly" I was being for getting so riled up... this was to calm myself down enough to actually take care of whatever it was. This could be anything from being at home alone to killing spiders or snakes to walking in the dark.

But what I've found the most comforting is this: God is in control. While we all know that sometimes, He does allow things to happen, He is still God and He is still good. I choose to trust He will take care of me (using John to do it so much of the time). I will not let myself be controlled by fear if I can help it. "For God did not give us a spirit of fear, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline." - 2 Tim. 1:7

Sometimes, there isn't another person we can turn to when faced with something we sincerely fear. If we choose God every time, asking Him to give us the courage to step out and face that fear (our giant or Goliath, so to speak)... I believe He will give us the strength and the common sense to deal with that fear. And then... each time... the fear will lessen a little more.

The first few years of being with John (dating and married), I had some serious issues about going to his dad's dock at night. During the day, no problem! At night... there are spiders EVERYWHERE!!! I really don't like spiders. They give me the hebejebees. His mom was awesome about my fear... mostly cause she didn't like them either AND because she was just awesome like that. She didn't ever make me feel like I was being silly or anything, but helped me keep away from them all the same. Instead of stamping my foot like a child and telling John I'm never going down there (because of snakes OR spiders... two things I do fear), I've gone, year after year... day and night. And you know what? Instead of it being a place I don't want to be (because of fear), I love it there! I can be around the spiders and let them live. I can know there are probably snakes around and be at peace (well, to an extent). But my point is that I wouldn't be at that point now, had I not taken steps, year after year, to get there.

What We Have vs. What We Need

One thing I constantly see today (in my own life as well as in the lives of others) is our never-ceasing desire to "have" things. If you just bought the latest phone, another one is already on its way out that's "even better" that you "just have to have". Think about it. How much did you pay for your most recent phone? And why did you pay that much? What kinds of features does it have that you just can't seem to live without?

I was watching an old movie yesterday and one of the things that really struck me was the telephone. It was a movie set in the late 1800's or early 1900's... so one of those "Gwen" movies that has lots of pretty dresses, cheesy lines, and that wonderful warm-fuzzy, feel-good type of show. The movie is about the happenings in a big family over the course of a year (ups and downs and all... but since it's a feel-good musical, it's mostly ups). In one particular scene, most of the family (except for the uninformed father) tries to rush through their supper because the eldest daughter is supposed to receive a long-distance telephone call (from a young man) at a certain time. The telephone is in the dining room and the family hopes he will propose, so they want to give her some privacy. It all makes for a fun and enjoyable sequence, but it really got me to thinking.

I remember when we only had a telephone in the dining room/kitchen area. I remember when we got to add one to our bedrooms as teenagers (and that was a treat, let me tell you!), probably mostly because our parents got tired of hearing us talk about nothing for hours on end. I remember the first time I saw a "car phone", my cousin had one and I thought it was the coolest thing I'd ever seen. I remember watching "Saved By the Bell" and seeing Zach Morris get into trouble for talking on a cell phone (that didn't quite fit in a back pocket as easily as it does now).

Now, cell phones are everywhere. I carry mine with me at all times (unless I happen to forget it). Even when I visited a third-world country in Southeast Asia a few years ago, it didn't matter how poor those people were, most of them still had a cell phone! People like to stay connected with each other... and there's nothing wrong with that! But what do we really know to appreciate anymore? Everything is run by technology of some kind.

Here in the U.S. we thrive... we have grocery stores, restaurants, cars, electricity, airports, Apps on our phones to find whatever we can't... but what would we do if it was all taken away. Nature alone has proven over and over in the last several years, that it can take away our luxuries in only a moment. But with so much happening around our globe, I know that nature is not our only threat.

One place I've visited in my travels was a country (now third-world) that was "up-to-date", so to speak, with the rest of the world (technologically, economically, etc.) until the late 1970's. When they were invaded and taken over by another country, it set them back 50 years. That finally got handled, but then the already crippled country got taken over again, setting them back another 50 years. Now, there is a massive lack of education (most of the people don't even know there is such a thing as an ocean), streets are literally covered in human waste, and only the wealthy have direct access to such things as water, electricity (brought up by generators), and, if they're lucky, air-conditioning.

I know the U.S. is much bigger and in a better location that this other country, but are we really so prideful as to believe that NOTHING can happen to us? Technology has been a friend to us thus far, yes, but we've seen enough movies (yes, I said it, movies) to know that it REALLY CAN be taken away, whether by nature or by other people. Then what? Just think about it... IF electricity alone were completely knocked out for weeks or months on end, what would we do? Pretty much everything is digital now-a-days so:
Could we buy gas? Could we buy groceries? Could we get to any money at the bank? How would we feed our families? If it's winter, how would we keep warm? Would you still have a way to contact loved ones (since your cell phone won't work anymore)? What if our possibility for electricity restoration was a year or two away? Could we grow and make our own food like people used to, without the help of the internet to tell us how?

I know this may sound like I'm on a rant against technology, but TRUST ME, I'm not. I'll appreciate and take advantage of it as much as I can!!! It's just something I've been thinking about. Going back to the movie I mentioned earlier: One thing I love about that particular type of movie is that it has one of those "It doesn't matter what happens as long as we're together," lessons to it. That's the thing so many people seem to miss today. We can work. We can pretty much do as we please with our free-time, the responsibilities of keeping up a home excluded. But what do we do with our time? Do we spend it with our friends and families, getting to know and love them even more? Do we invite neighbors or strangers into our homes to love on them? (This introvert doesn't!) Or do we look for other "things" to fill our time? I do... I think I'm the best at it.

The sad part is, will this poor world have to be subjected to having little to nothing left for people to realize what really matters? What things are actual "needs" versus what are merely "wants"? I hope not... but unfortunately, having things taken away seems like the best way to get our attention.

The End...

One thing I have discovered over my short life thus far is that sometimes people are wrong. I can be wrong, you can be wrong, he can be wrong, she can be wrong. Christians can be wrong, atheists are wrong (but don't tell them that or you'll never hear the end of it)... people of all cultures, backgrounds, and races each have the ability (and tendency) to be wrong. What is most frustrating about being wrong, is having to admit this to other people. Some people won't do it for anything... when they think they're right, they're right. Some shrink away till they become more of a doormat.... always declaring that they were wrong and the other person is right. Very few seem to have the ability to do both: admit when they're wrong and stand firm when they're right. But how does one really know when it's the right time to do either? Even your decisions in that can be wrong!

Take for example, our recent "End of the World" prediction. Even though the rapture didn't happen as predicted, I'm not going to say the guy is completely and utterly mistaken. One of his statements was "It's the beginning of the end"... which to me, is different from just "the end".

As a believer, I have looked forward to Jesus's return since I first learned about it (although I did occasionally ask Him to hold off until ____ or _____ happened). When I first started reading Revelation and Daniel, I got so interested in studying it because I wanted to know "When"... when is it going to happen? Growing up, I remember Dad always saying that it would happen before we graduated high school. Obviously... it didn't. We've seen people predict it (to the day) over and over and then... nothing happens.

Unfortunately, what I've come to realize is that these predictions (with nothing happening) only make the world as a whole less and less likely to believe it will ever happen. Why do you think the Bible says there will be "scoffers"? People might've been inclined to believe Noah when he first began building his boat (even though they'd probably never seen such a thing as rain) because it was a new idea and he was passionate about it. But after a few hundred years of building it... people were fed up with even the mention of it!

Today, Christians are a group of people who have waited for Christ's return for about 2,000 years. The first and early churches believed they'd get to experience it, just as we feel like we will experience it now. What I find so incredibly sad is that instead of focusing energy and resources on really reaching out to others and showing them love and other 'fruits' daily (which can lead them to Jesus), many Christians focus all of their attention on the "urgency" to become a Christian. "You're almost out of time. The world's gonna end; better accept Jesus NOW!!!" This goes hand in hand with the question: "Do you know where you will go if you die tomorrow? Hell is full of fire and darkness and despair... Jesus is the only one that can save you from that so choose Him NOW!"

I'm not saying these things don't have any truth to them, by no means! There should be an urgency because this life is all you've got to decide! But when you only view Jesus as a "way to get to heaven" or "Fire Insurance", there's no real relationship there. You never get to experience His awesome presence in your life. Others never get to see His love through you. The very thought or image people have of Him gets completely obscured.

Many have come and many will come professing a day when "The End" is here... I'm not going to tell you not to listen to them. Even if nothing happens, it's a good time to evaluate where you are, spiritually, in your life. But I'm not going to necessarily urge you to listen to them either... mainly because of that verse that says "The day and the hour are unknown". But I do believe, just as others hundreds of years before me have believed, that He will come soon. But God's version of 'soon' and our version of 'soon' are two very different things. As Aslan says in "The Chronicles of Narnia": "I call all time soon". So whether the predictors turn out to be right or wrong... it doesn't matter. Knowing you have peace about whenever it DOES finally happen (tomorrow or years and years from now), is more important.